Literally, everyone hates me. Especially every fourth year. In leap years, I am a hated man. Maybe not because it's leap year, but more because it's also election year.
You see, I am neither red nor blue but I embody parts of each. I'm large. I can be multiple things.
I think all men are created equal, and I mean all men. Not just ones like me. I think everyone should have the same rights, and I mean literally everyone. I believe in the 14th amendment and I believe in Clint Eastwood so I think people should be gay marrying all they want.
I love guns. I support gun owners' rights.
I'm also in favor of the death penalty.
I'm all for legalizing and decriminalizing some drugs, both because we should and as a non-violent solution to some of our immigration issues.
Ask me for my position on any issue and once I've finished telling you, I will either be called a socialist or a right wing nut job.
In short, we can agree that neither the reds nor the blues have all the answers, but we won't settle for a little from column A and a little from column B. Cause calling names is way more fun, except that it is going to get us all killed.
Man I've been loving baseball season this year. It's the last season for Chipper Jones, who has long been a hero of mine. He's been so good for so long. Often injured, but never down for very long. And when he's able to pick up a bat and walk to the plate, he can always hit the ball.
He's never been mired in a slum for half a season and he's never gone out and put up numbers like Dan Uggla did for the Braves during the first half of last year.
Chipper has been consistent, and last night he was great.
It was like a football game on the scoreboard. A 15-13 final for the Braves and Phillies, and magically punctuated by Chipper's home run to walk off after 11 innings of baseball.
I've always been a big baseball guy. It's probably my game of choice if there's no fighting on. The Braves are my team and Chipper is one of the 3-4 best players in the history of the team. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may not be as big a baseball fan when I can't turn on my TV 162 times a year and watch Chipper play ball like I've gotten to do for the past 20 years.
It's back! Lingerie Twister returns to TRG on Friday morning! We're down to one final pair of Carolina Rebellion tix and the winner of Lingerie Twister is the lucky lady who gets to go!
If I remember correctly, the last time we played Lingerie Twister, I believe I was the luckiest of all. This time around...I doubt history repeats itself, but here's hoping all the same.
And, honestly, when there are hot women playing Twister in lingerie, we all win. Even the girls who lose. They kinda do both if you want to argue it.
Bringing the Dark Corner together, as well as lingerie-clad ladies on a Twister mat. That's what we do here, y'all.
Gosh darn it. Ahem. I was utterly shocked the way people railed on me this morning via text at 72341 when I told a story about not wanting to help a friend of mine lie to his girlfriend after I accidentally kind of almost got him in trouble.
It's a big mess where he was talking about some girl he knows from Florida. She's moving up here. He was telling me how awesome she is so I go, "Well when are you gonna introduce me?"
I said that because he has been dating a girl for the last three years. I was just kidding. I figure I'll meet her at some point, but I'm not in a big hurry to do it. He tells me he isn't gonna introduce me at all. He informs me she is on his back burner. His plan B in case things don't work out for him and the current girlfriend.
Well, hell, when I talked about it on the air, I figured he had sense enough not to go telling his girlfriend all about this girl moving up here from Florida. He did, though, so she knew I was talking about him.
On the one hand, he had the balls to tell his girlfriend all about the girl he was going to cheat on her with. On the other hand, seriously? Who does that? And then to call me up demanding I lie to his girlfriend on top of that. I'll never understand people, but it isn't that hard to do the right thing sometimes. Like here, in this particular case, I am doing the right thing. I'll go to my grave defending my actions.
My actions, for the record, were to do nothing at all. I can easily defend such a stance as that!
Where does the term Eskimo Brothers come from? I don't know. I'm going to try and find out. You guys chill. That's eskimo humor.
Here it is. Thanks to urbandictionary.com, which is not very accurate.
"Origin: Because of the cold in the far north, Eskimo hospitality extends to sharing of beds and female companionship. A visitor is considered a brother."
So even though it's warm here in the south. Even though it's unseasonably summertime already, Matt and Jeff have extended the hand (aka d#@*) of friendship to one another in a bond that cannot be broken. No matter how badly they may want it to be.
What disturbs me is the lady in question and her peculiar interest in bedding everyone on the show. Were Fatboy not a married man, I know for a fact he would've been propositioned. I had my chance, but passed when not one but two of my co-workers came to me and told me they had already been there. Wow. Bizarre.
The things people will do. I can understand wanting to get both Crockett and Tubbs or Ponch and John or both Duke boys, but all four Rise Guys? I guess it's where you guy when Michael Cogdill and John Cessarich both said no.
Above you see the lovely, talented, and far too often overshadowed beauty named Brittney Palmer. If you watch UFC, you know Brittney. If you saw last month's Playboy, you know her very well.
Then again, if you watch UFC, you know Arianny Celeste far better than you know her lovely counterpart here.
Well, the NCDD's have begun on newrock933.com and Brittney took out Arianny in round one. Now she's taking out Julianne Hough in round two and she'll meet the winner of Ashley Greene and Keeley Hazell in our Sultry 16.
She is equal parts lovely and smart. I've never seen her once hold up the wrong round card during a UFC show and I've never known her to fail a math test. She always looks as good as she does in that picture up there, and Stephen Thompson himself said she's a pretty cool chick on top of all her other accomplishments.
Today, I am asking you. Begging you. Pleading with you. Go now. Go often. Vote for Brittney Palmer in the Planet's NCDD's.
When someone new comes around the show, we can never say how it may work out. Take intern Booger. He came in as our intern and the guy needed about five weeks before he worked himself into a job by beating Jeff in a lapdance competition dancing for Tracy West.
We've had other interns and we've liked them. We've had other people doing what Jeff does for us now, but I can't say any of them in the past have ever clicked quite the way JLN and Booger do. They click with each other and they all click with us too.
It's nice to be around people who are on the same page as you. I feel like we have that if we have nothing else in here. It's a pleasure to be around the show when everyone gets along so well. I know Matt and I would not trade it for anything, except a MegaMillions jackpot. Or a Powerball jackpot. Or a a chance to lay with Kate Upton. Outside of those things, we'll take Booger and Jeff and their magical chemistry above all other things I can think of right now at this moment.
If you've been paying close attention, you've noticed that naked people have been dominating news headlines the last few weeks, as they probably should. It finally hit kinda close to home when a man in Beaufort county happened to be naked when an apartment complex caught on fire. So, naked as hell, he managed to get in the cab of a fire truck and drive away in it. He hit a bunch of cars and racked up thousands of dollars in damage, then he hit and killed a pedestrian before his nude rampage finally came to an end.
If you missed out on the story, go have yourself a look. Unfortunately there are no photos or mugshots yet but they'll be along shortly. www.wyff4.com/news/30542796/detail.html
Elsewhere in the world, Taylor Burnham was making naked waves in Texas a couple weeks ago when she was driving drunk wearing only a pair of cowboy boots. If only Taylor Swift were so cool. If only Taylor Swift was naked and/or drunk like her 18 year old exhibitionist counterpart in Texas. Either way. Remember, we treat her like she's 16 but she's in her 20's and good to go. http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/299349/20120215/naked-18-year-girl-cowboy-video-photo.htm
In Australia, a former football (soccer) player/coach was arrested after witnesses saw him naked on the balcony of his apartment throwing clothes down on the street below. His name is Ricky Nelson and he has a long history of public drunkenness and shame, but this time he got naked too. Naked crime is maybe not trending on Twitter, but it is trending in life right now. It's everywhere you look. http://www.smh.com.au/afl/afl-news/naked-fury-police-arrest-drunk-ricky-nixon-in-street-20120225-1tux4.html
Finally, in Sacramento, a man named Jose Ayala went into a welding shop to ask for a job interview. He was so high on meth that he forgot to put on any clothes before he went looking for a job. He wound up in a wrestling match with two police officers, the welding shop owner, and a guy eating a hamburger. Seriously, the guy never put his hamburger down while he went to wrestle the naked man.
After you've read this, hopefully you'll have a greater understanding of why I am back to my perpetual single state after the worst year in the history of the world that didn't involve cancer, aids, or living in some war-torn third world land.
Why not surprise that special someone in your life? Really surprise them. She knows you'll get flowers. What can you get that'll knock her socks off, though? And possibly send her packing. Don't worry, ladies, I've found a couple of things that will send him running for the hills as well. Let's begin.
If you ?really? want to be close to your special someone this Valentine's Day, why not try a pair of Fundies for a pair of lovers? It makes docking easier than ever and you can't help but feel close to someone you're sharing underwear with. While they're only practical if you're in a three-legged race, why not give it a shot and see if it feels good? And if you don't want to spring for some fundies, I'll sell you a pair of my old boxers for half as much.
Maybe you want him or her to realize fighting over who takes up more space in the bed is a stupid, stupid thing to argue over. Maybe you just want that closeness. Maybe you want the sex without all the work involved. In any case, you'll find a use for tandem underwear!
If Fundies aren't your thing, maybe you're an educator. Maybe you want to teach a lesson and scare your partner so they stop all that silly talk about wanting to have kids! Once again, there's a product just for you.
What better way to point out the horrors of procreation than with a giant smiling sperm and egg combo this Valentine's Day?
Sure, it may look like something out of a sex ed class, but this is South Carolina and we don't teach that here. So take the opportunity and teach your partner something they should've learned when they were 15. Hell, they probably should've learned it sooner than that. But now they're 23 and a parent to five kids so clearly they are in need of a refresher course, if not a spay/neuter clinic.
Finally, who wouldn't want to go to The Big Apple for Valentine's Day? You can celebrate in a cold, dirty city full of rude, dirty people and whatever gift you've purchased will most likely be stolen at gunpoint.
The solution to that problem? You can't do anything about the cold, the dirt, or the rude people. You can give her something no mugger can ever take away, though. Memories last forever. And this is also a good way to make sure she doesn't go getting fat because she's never going to want another piece of chocolate as long as she lives.
What kind of magical gift am I getting at? What on earth can it be? Of course it's a trip to New York's Newtown Creek Wastewater Treatment Plant! The perfect gift if you've grown to loathe, hate and despise the one you've been damned to spend Valentine's Day with. If you're hoping this Valentine's Day will be your last, you certainly are in luck as long as you can swing a trip to Gotham on short notice.
As for me, I'll be watching rasslin on the DVR and hanging out with my roommate's cat while all you lovers love and all you haters hate. I'll drink away the bitterness and celebrate a day later when all the heart-shaped candy samplers are 75% off. I'll be in a diabetic coma by President's Day, if we're lucky.
Man I hate to keep swinging from the anatomy of a guy but Stephen Thompson did it! He won his fight and also a 65 thousand dollar knockout of the night bonus at UFC 143 in Las Vegas on Saturday night. He was in the very first fight of the whole night and he set the tone by trying to kick a dude's head clean off his damn shoulders.
He put on a karate clinic in the octagon and made himself look like all the hype is highly deserved. Putting into words how talented he is as a striker is an impossible task. His skills are poetry in motion once he's in there to fight. It's impressive in that Anderson Silva/Lyoto Machida/Chuck Norris movie kinda way where you know you're seeing someone do something better than just about anybody else can pull it off.
Plenty of karate fighters have tried to get themselves into MMA and they've made runs at UFC and it hasn't always worked out well. Stephen is practicing a discipline he's managed to transition into an effective MMA style that can hang with good wrestlers and the best strikers as well as jiu jitsu guys and whatever else is thrown his way.
For now, the great Joe Frazier is the greatest fighter ever out of our fine Palmetto state. In a few more years, it may be the Wonderboy. With 63 wins in 63 fights, he's on his way to championships and accolades like those Frazier enjoyed when he was fighting Ali back in his day.
